At 51 I have "started over" more times than I care to count. New homes, relationships, and jobs. I have vowed more than a couple of times to start that new diet and exercise routine, be more efficient at handling my time and finances, be a better mom, friend, boss, daughter, and over all person......all on Monday. So it's Sunday night and I figure I might as well eat 3 cupcakes tonight since tomorrow morning starts a new life void of anything as good as a cupcake. Then Monday morning rolls around, I overslept cuz ya know, it's my day off and I'm allowed...and it all rolls downhill from there. But...there's always next Monday.
I have always had this ideal of myself. I am successful. I am financially and physically fit. I am fun and people love to be in my company. My friends and family adore me. Oh, and I live in a beautifully inviting home with a well maintained yard where I host fun and festive parties. I am grace under pressure and I always know the proper things to say at any given time.....OK...so that's how I see it, why is that not the way that it is? After all, I know plenty of other people who live this charmed life. After a lot of soul searching I think I have uncovered some things about myself that for whatever reason have remained hidden to me until now. Ah yes, my ah ha moment. I know that by nature, I am a procrastinator and a perfectionist....a debilitating combination. If it's not perfect...I'll wait...and wait....and wait until it is perfect, and that day my friends, never comes. I mean, what would people think if I made a mistake?I know that I am also someone who gets bored quickly and looses interest even quicker....two more qualities that combined with the first two means that if I do venture to take that first step, chances are that I'll bore of it all before I make it to the finish line.
So, what to do....First of all, I am not going to be so hard on myself and try to know my limits and be ok with them. It really is OK if it's not perfect. I am also going to challenge myself to take more risks. I have decided to enlist a few friends to hold me accountable, follow a to-do list, dig deeper and work harder. I'm gonna make myself feel better about myself by making others feel better about themselves. I'm going to use those personality traits that before seemed negative and suck the positive right out of them. And for God's sake, I'm gonna get the hell out of my own way. I'll strive to be a better person and to challenge myself to step out of my own comfort zone. It doesn't matter how many times it takes as long as I keep trying. Every day is a new day and another chance to start over and I am starting over, again, but this time.......on a Tuesday!
